Frustrated

Just got home from dinner and movie with my best friend. We enjoyed a bowl of pasta, a frozen margarita, and wonderful conversation about life. We decided to watch Just Wright and it was just that: Right. We had so much as we always do. For just a little while we get to forget about husbands and kids and work and life.

As I'm driving home and listening to my christian music, i feel the urge to change the CD and listen to something else. So here I am, at 9:30 pm listening and singing "Nothin on you" by BoB - i love that song.

Then all of the sudden I start to feel guilty; i turn off the CD and just sit there in the quiet and feel guilty. Why do i feel guilty? I didn't break any of the commandments, a little voice in my head says. Or did I?

I am so confused and frustrated.

I hear stories from people saying how they used to do this and that, drugs and jail, and the list goes on and on and on. And then they talk about how they got saved by Gog and how they love their new life.

Well i never did any of that. Never took drugs, never drank, never did anything really. Growing up I always had to do things that were "lady-like" as my mom would say: ladies don't chew gum, ladies don't like sports, ladies don't ride bikes...
I'm far from being a kid now but sometimes i wish i could do something rebellious like color my hair weird colors and wear funky clothes. Not that i would do that... but it would be nice to know that i could if i wanted to.....

Is it really bad watching movies? Or listening to music other than christian music? So many questions and i always get the same answer: Whatever you do is between you and God.

If it's bad why doesn't it feel bad? Why did it feel right wearing my wedding ring when the bible says we should not wear jewelry? Not wearing it feels bad.

Arrrrhhhhhhh frustration.... My head is exploding.....